I was the graduation speaker in college. And before you think I am trying to get you to ooh and aah about how good-n-learned that jesse james must be, or before you give me crap about bragging here, bare in mind two things: 1. I graduated from a program with no grades, and 2. All roads in this post lead to Cher, because it is Thursday, and this is a necessary piece to the story.

So, my democratic student body, sans the conformed process of measuring intellect, had to decide who would represent our cohort in the graduation ceremony. We all sat around a big round table, like we did for all decisions that needed to be made, and we voted.

But, before the voting took place we went around the table and each student was giving the opportunity to say a piece about why they would be the best (wo)man for the job. This ‘honor’ was being dealt out 3 weeks before the end of our final quarter. To me (and a few others) this ‘honor’ was a thinly wrapped extra to-do in the thick of trying to graduate. We were all bogged down with completing our thesis amongst all of the other academic hoops thrown at you, purely designed as the final attempt to push a student over the edge before they receive their 40-60k piece of paper, formally admitting, in loopy fonts and signatures, that we did in fact cross the privileged finish line.

When it was my turn at the table to speak I said, “Listen here my fellow academics, you vote for me and I will offer nothing more than drinking references and Cher. I got shit to do and am not about to try and write a speech.” And even with what I considered a fairly decent threat, the bastards voted for me.

So, on the night of graduation, amongst all of our family, friends, advisors and professors, I walked up to the podium and gave a ten minute bit about this and that and closed with something close to this:

“In the deeply profound words of Maya Angeh…. Eh hem, I’m sorry, I mean, in the profound words of Cher, I offer you this: “If you really want something, you can figure out how to make it happen.” And, in the wise words of my grandfather (and a few bad country songs), if what you really want is taking a while to happen, just remember, “it’s five o’clock somewhere.” Thank you, good night.”

The reason I mention this is because I just stumbled upon an awesome Cher website that outChers my ass big time and one of the many fabulous pages has Cher quotes, including the one in my speech. I’m telling you, this website is Cherilicious. So, dig around, learn something new about the Goddess of all things Sparkley and Fabulous and enjoy.

And, as Cher and I have both missed a few Thursday’s I offer a bonus. This is the Cher-comeback classic and it is good. Very good. Chergood. Which is a higher compliment than anything – squared.

Happy Friday-eve, all. Happy Cherday!

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