A lot of things about the computer confuse me and are simply over my head. If it weren’t for Sinclair I’m not sure that email would be a thing I did, let alone having a blog (which, for quite awhile, I thought was the term for when someone responded to an email- like, “Hey, I blogged you back”). But my newest confusion is this facebook/myspace thing. I have an account on both sites for the purposes of allowing people to find me and also to have the ability to screen which persons of my past that I will and won’t make contact with. But as it should turn out these spaces are used for much, much more.

Yesterday I checked myfacespacebook for the first time in quite some time. I checked it because myfacespacebook emailed my gmail email account to tell me that I should check myfacespacebook because it had something to tell me. So I did. And so, in myfacespacebook I had over 22 “requests” waiting for me.

Two of these “requests” were the familiar “friend requests” from people I did not know but who claimed to know “friends” of mine on my facebook space.

Ok, sure – click- accept – we are now “friends”- great- fine.

The other 20 requests were beyond me. Just a few to note were as follows:

  • take a ‘how hot are you’ test
  • past life invitation request
  • six degrees of gayness quiz
  • special blessings invitation
  • what flower are you test
  • lil’ green patch request

 …and several more that I clicked “ignore” on and they just went away. 

By the time I got through looking at all of them I wished there was a way I could have forwarded the whole thing to Sinclair (and I tried), like I do with stuff like this, with a simple little email titled “WTF. Please fix.” (Sinclair is the one that taught me what WTF means. For quite awhile I thought it meant “white tall femme.” Turns out this is not the case.)

On myfacespacebook I saw that one of my “friends” had purchased a thing for me to have on this space of mine. She paid money. This “gift” that I received was a “golden egg.” And herein lies another fine example of my ongoing frustration and severe ineptitude for this computer cyberness:

I did not receive a golden egg. What I received was a 1 inch by 1 ½ inch, 2 dimensional picture of a golden egg on my facebook space. This leads me to two very simple questions: Why? And white tall femme? My hope and assumption is that you know you did not actually send me a golden egg. Regardless, I am so confused by this foggy line of distinction between real golden eggs and small computer generated pictures of golden eggs that I have no idea what to say. I haven’t blogged you back yet and my plan at this point is to just let it go. Or maybe I should write a quick ‘thanks for the egg’ on your “wall”.

I also received a request to slay zombies with a “friend” that I haven’t spoken to (on mutual purpose) for a few years now. So, again, white tall femme? How does one respond?

“Um, thank you for the invitation to slay zombies with you, however, no thank you.”

Or the truth:

“We have not spoken in over two years now. The reason you are my “friend” is because you “requested” to be on my facebook space and I felt like this strange cyber forum allowed for nothing won, nothing lost. But because we are “friends” does not actually mean that I think we should be friends.
p.s. even if we were friends there aren’t really such things as  zombies, and even if there were you know I won’t even kill spiders, thus making zombie slaying totally out of the question.”

Another repeated “request” included sending “plants” back and forth to help stop global warming. What? We both know you did not send me a plant, right? Much like the golden egg, what I received was a very small, cartoon like picture of a ground-cover-looking plant. And it is my understanding, which could be off (I will ask Sinclair later), but as far as I have ever found, global warming is not influenced, effected, helped or hurt by computer generated pictures of plants sent back and forth to facebook spaces or any other cyber destinations.

Point is: My dear “friends” on myfacespacebook,
Find me here, let’s potentially reconnect, let’s use this space for reminding each other of upcoming birthdays, invitations to our next art gallery show, cool new music venues. But seriously, can we be clear on the line here? Like, a real line? Not a two dimensional computer generated picture of one. The line that seperates myfacebookspace from all of the moments where I am a real, eggless, person not staring at a computer? If we can mutually agree on that I will take your hotness quiz.