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A few weeks ago I held a last minute contest to try and figure out what the hell to get Violet for Christmas. Our only rule was that it had to be $20 or less. So, I asked you, my fabulous people, for help and to no surprise at all, several of you responded with mind-blowing, creative, romantic, thoughtful, amazingly personal, touching, original, fabulous gift ideas. In return I promised to report back, let you know whose idea I went with and that person could either 1. Get a Cherday dedication which I will either tailor just for you or you, the winner, can decide who and what song is played that day –OR- 2. The wonderful Seal will balance the (reasonable) object of your choice on her head.
Now, before I announce the winners (because several ideas made up my gift) I just want to reiterate, until you are utterly annoyed with my gratitude, how grateful I am to everyone that participated and how seriously impressed I am with all of you. Like, really, really impressed. Oh, and I will continue to use bits and pieces of all of these amazing ideas for future gifts. So, thank you in advance for the stock of super-fabulous-and-romantic gift ideas.
Ok, here we go: This year, for Christmas, I gave Violet a photo album with every single photo I could find that had just the two of us in it. I dug through the house and my computer for photos, printed and gathered them all and made it as chronological as my memory serves. I found a good looking photo album with a ton of pages to leave room for pictures to come. If you aren’t Violet or me it might not be a very interesting gift to look through, but for us, it is a way to look back at all of the adventures we have been on together. And right smack in the middle of the album, all of a sudden, a lot of the photos have this really cute black dog in them. And then there were three…
Ready!?! (drum roll please)… The winners are: (in order of comments)
- ~k
- zach
- Amber
- Saintchick (ok, if you are really going back to that post and reading the comments you might notice that Saintchick’s idea didn’t really have much to do with this gift, but she wanted it bad- so a Cherday shout out she shall get.)
So, ~k, zach, fg, and Amber- send in (email me) your requests! And, again and again and again, thanks to all of you creative geniuses! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday!
(Coming up on jljj: Stay tuned for verbose rants about serious Holiday family stresses, sudden snow storms to trap me in a car with key stress makers, Christmas day sunburns and how two margaritas, a text from Violet and a new car with front weel drive saved my sanity…)
Ok, ok, ok, I have waited for everyone around to finally go to bed and fall asleep so to sneak this post from my folks computer in Somewhere Oregon. I think I am officially having blog withdrawals – does anyone know about this? Is this normal?
So, ok, holy cow, to say the very least. What a vacation trip this little holiday break has been. I don’t have much to say yet (can you even believe that?!?) as I have been biting my tongue here and there for so many days now that maybe I’ve lost my touch a bit? Or maybe I am just so damn tired and worn down and out that the verbose in me has crashed into a deep sleep? This I know- I can’t wait to get back to Seattle with my little family, sit on my couch and stare at all of the laundry and everything else that needs attention that won’t get any for a few days, at least.
This holiday venture has been wonderful in parts and hard and stressful and emotional and hard and hard and hard, just like everyone, in all of our different ways, right? I know. But I so look forward to being home, to waking up with JUST Violet, and ONLY the Seal somewhere near by. I look forward to an extended general state of boringness.
My little family, Violet, the Seal and myself, intend on leaving tomorrow morning but, but, but, who-the-&*@#-ever-with-serious-weather-power-who-very-obviously-hates-me cried his vengeful tears and this city that I am in, all of a sudden, out of the blue, with NO warning or prediction what so ever, has been covered in 8 inches of snow and ice. So now, obviously, who knows where I’ll be tomorrow night now. Have I mentioned that I am exhausted?
This-totally-CRAZY-out-of-the-blue-that-no-one-in-the-whole-world-or-outer-universe-knew-was-coming snow storm, that had me stuck in the car, attempting to drive with the main goal of not dying for what should have been 30 minutes turned 5 hours, with all of the main family stressers in my life in tow, ALL DAMN DAY AND NIGHT, might hold us back one more day. Of course, right. Fine. Whatever.
Point is… eh, I don’t have one. Well, here’s a point: I have made it thus far which leads me to a strong belief that I will make it, in general. And, oh yes, hi little house of jljj, I’ve missed all of you.
(Inspired by and for Freedomgirl, at the serious risk of big ol’ kinds of trouble from Violet.)
What you see here is a classic: A boy and her dog enjoying a bit of cheese without all the messy use of utensils… or anyone around to get totally pissed off that I am taking huge bites of cheese right off the block and sharing them with the dog. See? Classic.
The Seal and I dropped Violet and her dad at the airport oh so very early this morning. I didn’t intend on bringing the Seal but she has learned now that when Violet and I begin to stir before the sun is up this means that one or both of us will go missing for a few days. She is a pretty mellow dog for the most part but this morning she looked frantic, rushing around, trying to follow us both around the house wherever we went. And when she couldn’t stop hiccuping I realized she had found a new level of anxiety. So to help ease her constantly-flowing-waterfall-of-emotions-dog-brain I took her outside and made room for her in the car with her blanket. She caught on and immediately the tail was flying and she calmed down.
And now it is mid-afternoon and the Seal and I have done nothing to note. I gave the Seal a bit more breakfast than usual, comfort kibble if you will, and then I gave her a bone to chew out the nervousness with. I had beef stew and ice cream for breakfast and may or may not have that again for lunch. Pizza and beer for dinner, for sure. There are dishes in the sink that will stay there a bit longer than usual and I am still in pajamas. I am trying to make the most of things, right off the bat, to cover the anxiety I can’t shake about Violet’s trip. I know, I know, I know, it will all go splendidly and she will have a ton of great stories, and I am very excited for her. I just look forward to the part where she is back, safe and sound, and complaining about how messy the kitchen is.
On a different note, thank you kind readers, for all of the very sweet emails and comments regarding my sweet little fish friend. If there was an award for Most Fabulous Blog Readers, this blog would win for sure.
Last week was not my favorite week ever, and has actually earned rank as one of the worst. So, as I went to bed last night I decided that I could safely assume that this week would have to be better. This seemed to be undoubtedly obvious. And so, even though I caught less than a few hours of sleep, spending most of the night and early morning staring at the ceiling, only to remember that I had a dentist appointment early this morning, only to drive a car that started smoking on the highway, only to find out that one poor tooth needs a bit of pricey help, only to come home and find my little shit of a dog, the Seal, who I love more than any four-legged creature on earth, had ransacked the place.
The point is, it is only 1:30 p.m. on a Monday and today has already been a little rough, but in the fresh wake of perspective, I have to say, I wouldn’t trade a minute of it. Not one. I am not very sure how (or if ) I will get the large smeared gobs of apple pie goo out of the carpet, but again, how lucky am I to have such simple concerns.
In case you aren’t totally sure what you are looking at here, today’s booty includes:
- one large yellow onion
- one empty pie plate that, earlier this morning was hosting a delicious apple pie
- fresh ginger (which is good for digestion, clearly she knows this)
- delicious goat cheese wrapper (in the pie plate, she is tidy like that)
- one box of unopened shower curtain rings
- a plastic dough rolling mat (now complete with ventilation holes in the form of chew marks)
- one faggy rainbow coffee mug (the coffee is all over the blanket, so you can’t see that part)
- one guiltless sleeping pirate dog
(As soon I finished typing the word ”dog’, just this second, she sat up, looked at me and burped. Nice touch, Seal pup. Way to finesse it all.)
Happy Monday.
I thought FOR SURE this photo was somewhere on this blog but I just went digging around and can’t seem to find it. This one is for Jen. As you can read on her blog, quite recently and unexpectedly she lost her best buddy. And if I can have this hard of a time even typing about a dog I didn’t know, from this far away, I can’t imagine what Jen’s heart is going through. I have been showering the Seal with even more love and attention this week, for Gracie, who might be the only dog ever, to have an even bigger smile than the Seal.
May the world be nothing but gentle and kind to you, Jen. Take care of yourself,
jj
(In order to preserve and maintain the high level of faggy queerness that I have very intentionally injected into this series, please click on the video below and count to fifteen before reading the final credits – it is just so gay and perfect that way, trust me.)
. . . . .
…And like every adventure that ever was, eventually there is – The End -
. . . . .
Tour of Fabulous: Final Credits (in order of appearance):
The oh so amazing and lovely, long time leading lady: Violet
My four legged shadow: the Seal
The reason I didn’t miss my flight: The SeaTac TSA lady that kind of hated me
Red backpack: As itself
Best hair product in the world: Not telling
Sexy smooth dude/ Ol’ school best buddy: Sinclair Sexsmith
Sweet girl that put up with Sin and me all week: Kristen
Partner in many a late night crimes, one of my very favorites, Park Slope pool survivor: Mikey
Crowd of fabulous on Friday night: Everyone that did not try to beat me up
Pool shark: Barb
Pool shark’s drunk friend: Suz
Very cool dude who threw an awesome party: JessHeIs
Lady who hypnotized me with her eyes and then fed me breakfast: Tina-cous
Snazziest dressed (by a long shot) at Jess’ party: Dr. Leo MacCool
Wonderful, sweet new friend willing to talk with me all night long: Freedomgirl
Doppelganger-Shane from the L-word: the DJ at Jess’ party
Lovely girl behind those green eyes: greg
greg’s dress: As itself
New long distance bff: greg’s girlfriend
. . . . .
TOF Director: Sinclair Sexsmith
TOF Producer: jesse james
TOF Executive Producer: the Seal
TOF Editor: Fraidy Phat the Fish
TOF Fact Verifier: Marcus the Raccoon
“Tour of Fabulous” Title Credit and Most Missed Blogger: Lady Brett
Onset Chef and Makeup Artist: Kristen
Windsor Tie Knot Maker and Hair Validator to jesse james: Sinclair Sexsmith
Cherday Sponsor: Thursday
(endless) Support Crew: Violet
Best Boy Grip: That’s what she said
*A special thanks to Sinclair Sexsmith, one of my very favorite people on earth, for putting me up and putting up with me for a week. You are a host with the most and one of my favorite ways to spend my time. And to all of you along this amazing vacation adventure, thank you for being so kind and wonderful and welcoming. I am very lucky to have met you and to have you all in my world. And thank you all for getting through all four parts with no one screaming “LIAR! I can’t believe you just said that about me!”
I very much look forward to TOF: The Sequel.
with love, of course,
jesse james
Violetta,
As I tuck in the newest netflix under my arm, ready to watch a two hour documentary on African elephants. As I grab my glass of wine and the Seal’s favorite toy. As the Seal rushes ahead of me on the stairwell, spilling most of my wine, almost knocking me down. As I make my way up the stairs and on to our couch, where you are already camped out, without complaint at yet another documentary about African elephants. As I sit there with a tummy full of food that you and I have grown together, watered together, tended together, picked together and cooked together. As I sit there already wishing for dessert, right when you say, “Hey, what if I made some hot fudge for that bit of ice cream we have left?” As I put the movie on pause and watch you sail down the stairs like a sugarplum fairy, hair flying behind you, and that smile of yours that only a dessert can create. As I sit there sipping what is left of the wine that the Seal just made me spill, while she circles around and around and around on the couch making her fake little nest, as she plops down and grunts, like she does, and rests her heavy head on my lap. As I sit there and stare at the map of the world on our wall. As I am in awe again, like I am each time I look at the amount of ocean that use to sit between us. As I stare at that ocean and hear you clink and clank pots and pans in the kitchen, not even 40 feet away. As you holler up to me, “Almost ready! Do you want me to make you one or do you want to do it?” As I realize how wonderful and fun everything is right now, as it tends to be these days, more than not. As I say back, “You do it. I’ll love it… and promise to keep it to myself if I don’t.” As you run back up the stairs with two bowls of ice cream covered in freshly made hot fudge and that oh so proud smile. As I go to take a bite. As the damn dog takes a big lick of the corner of my spoon. As you wince and I say, “You know I’ll still eat off of this.” As you remind me, once again, of all the gross things that the Seal has licked that is now most likely on the spoon I am about to use.
As I sit here and eat ice cream with the hot fudge you just made, with a spoon that has just been licked by our dog , while I push play and we watch a sunrise in Africa and the narrator begins to talk. As you tuck into my arm, covering the half of me and my lap that the Seal hasn’t claimed. As I sit here right now, with you, and now the Seal too, I want to say thank you for the last four years. You make everything worth it.
love,
jesse
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