Amongst all of the nicknames, cute and not so cute, that Violet has for me, one of the more regular is “good little boyscout.” Now, we all know this can’t be literal as I am not a boy and also, the boy scouts do not permit faggot lesbians to join their little club, but you get the point.

And Violet knows, because of all of my daily woahs, that one of my most frequent heartaches is constantly witnessing situations where I see a human make the conscious choice not to help where clearly help is needed or could be, you know, helpful. It breaks me really, on any level, and it happens a lot.

So anyway, I hate the cold weather but the best thing about the dawning holiday season is watching folks try a little harder to care, to be kind. Whatever the motivation is, I don’t care, I just sleep better watching someone need and someone give, just like that. I was downtown today and saw it a few times. It won’t last, I know that, and I would like to say I am prepared for that, but that isn’t true. Regardless, I will take kindness where and when I can find it, which, amongst all of the things I can’t stand about this time of year, really makes me smile.

There is no official video for this Cher song but this one is a nice collection of things and the song itself is a good one. It’s simple, to the point and it is CHER for gawd sake.  She knows what she is talking about.

Hey you! Happy Cherday! Happy Friday-eve.

Ok folks, riddle me this: Who is sweet, funny, talented as all get out, some kind of seriously good looking, goofy, with a big ol’ Broadway voice like nobody’s business, and has a name to match a personality that was born to be a star? (And yes, of course the answer is Cher, but no, not in this particular case) You get three guesses…

Guess #1: Winona Ryder? Not sure about the voice but good guess. I love her and have always imagined that she would play a love interest of mine in my made for TV movie: “The Life And Times Of A Faggot Lesbian Who Stole Nothing But Hearts.” I was going to call it “Going Rogue” but, once again, Sarah beat me to the punch.

Guess #2: Me? Stop! Fair enough, though. I mean, I can see where you are coming from. Good guess, but no.

Guess #3: Haviland Stillwell? Your third guess is Haviland Stillwell?!? Damn you’re good! You are correct! Yes, indeed, Haviland Stillwell, Miss Stillwell, The Haviland, if you will.

I will start by admitting that I just discovered this fabulous woman and can’t get enough. I am a late bloomer in some areas and finding Haviland is one of them.

Ok, so now you are wondering about me, because you care about me and you want to know why I am so excited about Haviland and how I discovered the many talents that are Haviland Stillwell, right? Well, the very shortest version is this:

My second post on going to my old high school’s new GSA club meeting was up for a few days when all of a sudden it got a big ol’ spike in attention (this is in humble blog standards, mind you) and so I checked to see where the traffic was coming from. And to my blushing surprise, my favorite fabulous online magazine, Autostraddle, linked to my post (once again, I am after an article about Sarah P.) Secondly (and this will all come together eventually) I was getting some traffic from a facebook page and I found this odd because I don’t even have a facebook page.  So, I clicked on the facebook link only to find a photo of this beautiful woman who had a gazillion and twenty three fans… eh hem, I mean friends and so I emailed her this sheepish email asking her if she might know why folks are landing on my blog via her facebook page. “Have you even heard of my blog?” I wrote, totally confirming that I am absolutely nobody.

Well, well, folks, not only is she beautiful and famous, she was also kind enough to respond. Turns out she had also linked my second GSA post to her facebook page (that too will make more sense in a minute.)

And so, totally flattered and curious, the Haviland Stillwell web stalking began. I spent hours looking things up, and as it should turn out, she is pretty incredible and has done a lot of incredible things. And here is just SOME of what I found:

Not only was she in Les Miserables and Fiddler on the Roof on Broadway… on Broadway, folks. She also has her own concert that she performs, has been dubbed “the modern day Scarlett O’Hara,” sang on the Rosie Cruises with Rosie, and has an escalating TV and film career, with a movie on its way. And apparently she has 42 hour days, and so in her spare time she teaches, consults, and produces. Oh, and did I mention her recent recurring role on the TV show Eastwick?… And for those of you who are not catching on to how this all goes back to Cher, which by now you should realize that everything good in this world will somehow lead back to Cher, in 1987 Cher starred in the movie Witches of Eastwick, and this Eastwick TV show is an adaptation- meaning, it rocks.

So, as you can see Haviland is amazing, Haviland is beautiful, Haviland has some connection to Cher, doubly confirming her fabulousness and Haviland is EVERYWHERE… which is to say that my late discovery of her doubly confirms that my address is in fact, Under A Rock, Seattle, WA.

Ok, back to me for a second (tis my blog after all.) So, my GSA post was linked on Haviland’s facebook page only to find out two more amazing things 1. She just happens to be friends with oh, you know, the woman behind the moment that I realized I was gay, Sophie B. Hawkins, and she sent her my post 2. At one point in time, Miss Haviland Stillwell, being the PL that she is (that’s Power Lesbian, yo), was the president of her high school’s GSA club… that’s right folks- who’s all perked up and paying attention NOW!?!

Wait, what’s that? Oh, you want more Haviland? Ya, well, get in line, sister. Also, you’ve come to the right place. I am going to do an interview with her fabulous self and will be posting that sometime in the near future. So, stay tuned for more of the mighty fabulous Haviland Stillwell on this blog… and everywhere else. (If you have questions for or about Haviland the Fabulous, either leave a comment or send them to my email, jessejamesblog(at)gmail(dot)com, and if the question doesn’t suck I’ll ask her, and if she doesn’t think it sucks, she might just answer… and just remember, there are no stupid questions, unless it is.)

Until I post our interview, here are some of my favorite online Haviland Stillwell finds:

No on Proposition 8: “We don’t like our gay friends, we support gay marriage”

Haviland as Sarah Palin? Really? YES.

Haviland does a Dolly song… sing it girl!

If Cher had even the slightest clue that Thursday was her day according to the queer elliptical spin of jljj world, I am sure she would be proud to share today’s spot with the fabulous Haviland.

Happy Cherday, everyone! Happy friday-eve!

(In order to preserve and maintain the high level of faggy queerness that I have very intentionally injected into this series, please click on the video below and count to fifteen before reading the final credits – it is just so gay and perfect that way, trust me.)

.          .          .           .           .

…And like every adventure that ever was, eventually there is – The End -

.          .          .          .          .

Tour of Fabulous: Final Credits (in order of appearance):

Part 1:

The oh so amazing and lovely, long time leading lady: Violet

My four legged shadow: the Seal

The reason I didn’t miss my flight: The SeaTac TSA lady that kind of hated me

Red backpack: As itself

Best hair product in the world: Not telling

Part 2:

Sexy smooth dude/ Ol’ school best buddy: Sinclair Sexsmith

Sweet girl that put up with Sin and me all week: Kristen

Partner in many a late night crimes, one of my very favorites, Park Slope pool survivor: Mikey

Crowd of fabulous on Friday night: Everyone that did not try to beat me up

Pool shark: Barb

Pool shark’s drunk friend: Suz

Part 3:

Very cool dude who threw an awesome party: JessHeIs

Lady who hypnotized me with her eyes and then fed me breakfast: Tina-cous

Snazziest dressed (by a long shot) at Jess’ party: Dr. Leo MacCool

Wonderful, sweet new friend willing to talk with me all night long: Freedomgirl

Doppelganger-Shane from the L-word: the DJ at Jess’ party

Part 4:

Lovely girl behind those green eyes: greg

greg’s dress: As itself

New long distance bff: greg’s girlfriend

.          .          .          .          .

TOF Director: Sinclair Sexsmith

TOF Producer: jesse james

TOF Executive Producer: the Seal

TOF Editor: Fraidy Phat the Fish

TOF Fact Verifier: Marcus the Raccoon

“Tour of Fabulous” Title Credit and Most Missed Blogger: Lady Brett

Onset Chef and Makeup Artist: Kristen

Windsor Tie Knot Maker and Hair Validator to jesse james: Sinclair Sexsmith

Cherday Sponsor: Thursday

(endless) Support Crew: Violet

Best Boy Grip: That’s what she said

*A special thanks to Sinclair Sexsmith, one of my very favorite people on earth, for putting me up and putting up with me for a week. You are a host with the most and one of my favorite ways to spend my time. And to all of you along this amazing vacation adventure, thank you for being so kind and wonderful and welcoming. I am very lucky to have met you and to have you all in my world. And thank you all for getting through all four parts with no one screaming “LIAR! I can’t believe you just said that about me!”

I very much look forward to TOF: The Sequel.

with love, of course,

jesse james

Look, it’s my blog, folks. I got all excited about the New York stories and wanted to post one of them right away (the rest will show up in the next week.) Yes, this whole New York adventure got in the way of Cherday, I get that, but such is life. And again, let us not forget, this is my blog.

So, being the king of this domain (and this domain only), I have moved Cherday this week. Can she do that, you are asking? Dude. Of course I can. How many times do I have to say it. This is my damn blog.

So anyway, this particular Cher song has been on my mind since last week. And this is my first ever dedication:

To my “why do they call me gay” googler- I am still thinking about you, buddy… a lot.  And by ‘buddy’ I mean every single one of you out there.

This is actually one of my favorite Cher songs and I have been waiting for a special reason to post it. (Please also notice the NY theme in the video. Yes, I am that gay and coordinated, folks… tying it all together like that, yo.)

Happy Cherday, everyone! Happy Friday!

Have a fabulous weekend.

I’m not sure how possible it is to keep track of all of the Homo-got-some-rights-aaaand-now-homo-lost-his-rights bills and referendums that are being passed and proposed in this country anymore, but in my fine state of Washington we recently passed a semi-homo-loving bill that was dubbed the ‘Everything But Marriage’ bill which grants domestic partners all of the same Washington state laws and rights that our one-man/one-woman-I-liked-it-so-I-put-a-ring-on-it friends enjoy. Minus getting to use that oh so sacred M word, this bill is progress.

And, just like the story goes everywhere in this country, where something happens to make the world a better place there are always mean, ugly, grouchy, party pooper haters out there, lurking in the background, all ready to try and keep the world as segregated, discriminating, and unjust as possible… or in their words, ‘moral’.

So, after the Everything But Marriage bill passed here a queer-hating referendum to reverse the bill was proposed and received all of the signatures necessary to make it to the ballot. This means we the people of Washington state now get to vote on Referendum 71, specifically designed in attempt to reverse letting all consenting adults in a relationship have the ability to legal protections and to legally care for each other no matter if non or both tend to leave the toilet seat up.

Their angle: Preserve Marriage, Protect Children.

…What the eph are you ephing… eh hem, well, I would ask them to kindly explain this logic but they recently bailed on the town hall debate that they had agreed to. Convenient. Maybe they are too busy protecting their children or preserving their marriages? Don’t I mean marriage, you ask? NO. Marriages.

A few important side notes about the dickwads that created this bullshit (am I still sounding neutral?): One of them has been divorced several times, to which I have no personal opinion on – just seems that we must have different ideas of the word “preserve.” If by “preserve” you mean like the jelly kind that you put on toast and once it is opened it will eventually expire and then you have to throw it out and go buy more jelly, ok… I just thought you meant… you know what, never mind. Oh, and the other asshole doesn’t even live in Washington.

So, on a much lighter and way more entertaining note, here is fabulously relevant and funny and cute song with two cute girls with cute voices singing about the absurdity of some arguments to keep this country ‘moral’. Specifically about when Pat Robertson said that if we legalized gay marriage we might as well legalize child molestation and bestiality. Strong case there, Patty! And if you are a bit pissed off like I accidentally made myself writing this post, this video will help bring you back down. It’s funny and cute, and its a song about sex with ducks… did I mention that?

Well, it’s Thursday. Happy Friday-eve, folks! Happy Cherday everyone!

… Well, not totally. I mean, Cher is still involved.  Of course. It IS Thursday after all.

I have spent way more time than I will admit trying to find a decent cover of Just Like Jesse James. It is just one of those songs that is nearly impossible to sing without sounding, well, pretty terrible. It just doesn’t get covered well. The song is exhausting really (yes, I know this from personal experience, come on folks), it has a huge range and you’re up against CHER for gawdsake. Not easy. And with no hard feelings to the many, many, maaaany attempts on youtube most of them really start to hurt after a while if not pretty immediately.

So just as I was about to give up I ran into the unsuspecting small-town-Lori Brown (I made that up for her).  And folks, it’s not that she sings the song well, she ephing ROCKS IT out of the park! Home. Run. I’m telling you, The Goddess of all thing Sparkly and Fabulous would be so proud! I sure am.

*If you are one of those extremely impatient and attention deprived folks like myself AT LEAST watch from 2:08 to 2:17 AND 3:22 to 3:33! In the borrowed words of Leo MacCool “OH EM GEE!” This Lori Brown woman is ON FIRE.

Speaking of fire, the first time I watched the part in between 2:08 to 2:17 I stood up, point at the screen and yelled, “THAT’S RIGHT LORI BROWN! AIM AND FIRE, BABY! AIM! AND! FIIIIIRE!” (too much information?)

Happy Friday-eve folks! Happy Cherday… eh hem, I mean, Lori Brown day!

(If there are any haters out there that seriously think someone (besides Cher of course) can sing this song better I challenge you to send me the video…)

Yes, this article is now technically old news but the controversy is not. I promise to chill out on this elephant stuff (not saying that the Seal won’t be dressed up as one soon. She is already practicing her elephant ROOOOAR which is quite good really.)

But come on, it is Cherday on the week of Elephant Appreciation Day and these are two of my favorite things AND this is my blog, so there we have it. And if there was a way to incorporate The Golden Girls you know I would.

So, anyway Cher, thank you for being a friend… of elephants.

Happy Cherday everyone! Happy Friday-eve.

There is really nothing left to say. The title says it all. Happy Thursday, Happy Cherday!!! (if you are that guy, skip to second 31 to get to exactly what I am talking about.)

I have so much I could write about that it has actually kept me from writing anything at all. Well, that and I have the flu.

• Can you imagine how much Cher Thursday I have to catch up on?!? Cher in a musical with Christina (thanks greg.. and what!what!squared!) Chastity now Chaz! This is some big news and all of it quite exciting.

• I saw Marcus for the first time in 8 months a few nights ago. He is easy to pick out being tailless, and he is bigger and fluffier than ever. It made my heart swell to see him so healthy and as happy as a raccoon can present himself. He strut (is ’strut’ the past tense for ’strut’? Strutted? Strought? This fever is getting me) through our back yard at dusk like a man on a mission, huffing like a big ol’ tough guy. It was great to see. He even stopped to pee on his (and now the Seal’s) favorite tree to pee on.

• Fraidy has 5 new fish friends that Violet paid way too much for at a charity auction. I will get some photos up soon and see if you all have any name suggestions. So far there is Goldy and Lox but three no names and I could use some help with that.

• Zoe’s mom passed away about a week ago and I have no idea what to say about that yet, if ever. Not sure I will say anything but that it has been hard. Really hard. For a lot of people.

• I was in MiddleofNowhere California last week and after a few drinks at a motel bar I ended up on stage singing happy birhday to a woman that I had known for all of 5 hours. Her speaking voice sounded just like Dolly Parton and I just couldn’t get enough of her. (Yes, I kicked in a little of my best Cher towards the end). That was a good time… until the next day.

• It is pride weekend and Violet has never been to one before. She asked me what I was going to dress up as and I replied, “Um, me.” She then asked how to register to be a dyke on a bike. I explained that the bike in this situation is not actually the kind of bike she has but that motorcycle doesn’t rhyme with dyke, hence the slogan’s usage of the word ‘bike’. She was fairly disappointed but went right back to the ‘well then, what costumes should we wear?’ conversation. Um, seriously. No.

• Last night I met a woman that is a veterinarian… for elephants. ELEPHANTS. Ummmm yes, what you just read is correct. I am totally infatuated with this woman’s career at present and am scheming up ways to try and make her think I am half as cool as she so that maybe we can hang out again. My  two very favorite animals on earth ever (besides the Seal) are elephants and octopi. I could go on and on… and on about this, like I did last night with the rad elephant vet lady, but I wont here. Right now at least.

• At present, like I mentioned, I have the flu (ah! that is why this post is so flat and without personality, you say? Yes. That is why.) and I am hoping to find enough energy to participate in the gay weekend with mild flare at least, sans costume. I will let you know.

The catch-up-with-my-blog-list goes on and on, but as this flu has zapped my ability to sound even remotely interesting, I will leave it like this for now.

Happy gay Friday.