No, I’m not getting married this weekend. I could never keep something like that from you for this long. And if it was my wedding I would have run around kissing you all on the top of your heads while accepting the congratulations you may or may not have offered up months ago.
Violet and I are going to a wedding this weekend. All weekend. Including the rehearsal dinner tomorrow night. And then the wedding. The wedding that is all weekend long.
This is a double bridezilla wedding in where both ladies have gone totally wedding-coo-coo. They have had four bridal/bachelorette like parties. Some joint, some separate, some separate that then became joint later that night. The ceremony is rumored to be a few hours long. Yes, hours. Did I mention the part where we, the guests, are to camp?
Camp? Did I say…? Surely a typo, you’re thinking. Jesse must have meant something else, anything else, as this is already a lesbian wedding and camping is just too… well, lesbian. Well folks, I’m afraid to say it’s true. These dear lezzy friends of ours are tying the knot in the woods where all hundred or so guests will make a bed on the forest floor the night before and the night of the ceremony.
I am imagining the smell of camp fire and bug spray while the brides help each other get the little bits of marshmallow and twigs out of each others hair.
How do I feel about a weekend long wedding in which I am to sleep outdoors for several days? I will be at the Holiday Inn down the road. When Violet told me of this wedding several months ago I was excited for our friends. When she added in this camping detail we both knew how this would go over.
As my jaw continued to fall while the lesbian-wedding-camping-details unraveled and unveiled themselves, the conversation that followed went something like this:
Violet: …So it’s a camping thing. It’s going to be great… sleeping outside is fun…blah blah…
Me: Ok, well I’m not doing that.
Violet: Oh jesse, will you even consider it?
Me: My dear Violet, how does one do their hair in the forest?
Violet: I knew you’d say that. Anyway you’re my date so buck up. Also, I’ve already booked you a hotel room for the first night.
Me: Cable!
Violet: Wedding.
Me: I love you
Violet: You should.
Me: I do.
11 comments
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July 14, 2010 at 9:47 am
Blazer
I never thought I would hear myself say this, but…that is just too damn dykey! The fact that Violet booken you a hotel room (even if it is for just one night) shows how well she knows and loves you. Have fun buddy and please report back. This has got to be blog worthy!
July 14, 2010 at 9:54 am
Andi
Socks, I am totally laughing at the “too dykey!” Although, I have to agree… camping? Wedding? Something is seriously wrong with this picture. What the hell happened to getting married at a hotel, pool, beach, church/chapel, wtfever… the woods? I think someone is taking the pot when they came up with this idea!
Woods?!? I’m still baffled, I’m all for “camping” you know, like in an RV… with a boat. For God’s sake man, the woods!?!?!
July 14, 2010 at 1:03 pm
greg
The 2nd power made me laugh – I don’t even know how to do that!
Your hair! No freaking way is that going to work out. Thank goodness for that 1st night in the hotel. You owe her big time.
I can’t wait for the stories!
July 14, 2010 at 1:53 pm
e
Oh Good Lord. Well, truth be told, I have attended a similar wedding… in the woods, camping, rustic latrine, the whole nine yards. But that was a looong time ago and I thought all of those hippie types had outgrown it by now. Hmm. Wow.
Yes, my first thought was about your hair. Violet is a good woman. You must kiss her extravagantly at the hotel.
July 14, 2010 at 5:24 pm
FG
i think you are very brave to even consent to attend this event. the hotel room is the very least you should demand — i would do the same. and a rustic latrine??? e you are positively frightening me now…
July 14, 2010 at 7:13 pm
Darlene
ROL That is priceless … ‘how does one do their hair in the forest…’ I have to say I’m with you. I’ll sit by the campfire but then I’m heading to the hotel room for a hot shower, cable and soft sheets. You’re lucky your partner knows you so well and takes such good care of you. :~D
July 14, 2010 at 8:13 pm
JMc
Props to your girl Violet, she is a peach!
July 14, 2010 at 10:35 pm
ash-a-frash
ok, maybe this has something to do with the fact that i am a mountain and river guide, and will probably have this sort of wedding myself one day, but i think it’s awesome and incredibly romantic… ok, the part about the camping and the ceremony in the woods. but not the bridezilla stuff.
i’ve gotta say that i’m kinda with violet on this one. although, it IS incredibly sweet of her to have booked you a hotel room. just think though, camping in the woods for a weekend will give you so much more to write about! (oh, and if you want to scare the absolute shit out of everyone in the campsite, take a tin can – like, a soup can, etc… – and cut a thin, 1″ long hole in the non-cut end. then thread a piece of tubular webbing through it and make a knot at one end, but give yourself enough webbing to be able to pull it in and out. when you do that, it should make a sound that’s somewhere btwn a grunt/snort and a growl. then hide behind a tree and pull the webbing in and out a few times… tell people it’s the “pig-bear” and that it’s native to those woods, blah blah blah. i’m sure you’ll come up with something. if you can pull it off, it’s hilarious) well, have fun, enjoy the woods, get good and dirty, and at the end of it all, come home, take a nice long shower, and style your hair in front of your mirror to your heart’s content!
July 16, 2010 at 11:05 am
Kyle
LOL… omg, yes, Violet knows you well. and I’m also looking forward to stories about the weekend.
July 17, 2010 at 4:29 pm
Amber
Wedding Camping? Ummmmmm ok. Good job on the hotel room, Violet!
December 29, 2010 at 7:00 am
Elizabeth
I’m planning a camping wedding — mostly because that way I can send the obligatory invites to my 30+ whiney cousins with total assurance they won’t come.