Once again I am without internet and am typing on my phone. Oh well.

I would love to write some grandiose post with my extensive reflections over the last year that would lead into what I hope for in 2010 but I haven’t gotten that far yet. I have ideas, snippets, flashes, things that make my chest swell, moments that make my eyes water, bits of the last year that flash underneath my eyelids like a movie, but I haven’t had the time yet, lately, to be still and in my own head, by myself. I will though, soon.

This i know: 2009 was hard. It was a lot of things, but significant in the way that makes me very excited to hang a new calendar. 2009 was not a bad year, not at all, but the taste it has left on my tongue is of loss. It feels like there is a lot that won’t walk into 2010 with me.

My godmother, Ruth, always says these two things:

“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”

and…

“The world is so full of a number of things, I’m sure we should all be as happy as kings.” (Robert Louis Stevenson)

I think of both of these simple quotes often and they bring me back down. I will carry them into 2010 along with a lot, an abundance of wonderful things really, namely love. With all of the loss I have felt, watching pieces of the world that make my little world make sense to me just disapear, I have been made very aware of the good, the love, the kindness that is everywhere if that is what you go looking for.

It might just be that I have cried more this year than any other in all of my life. I am getting quite good at it really, but I would bet safely that I have laughed just as much. I am lucky or blessed or something. But I am surrounded, covered, blanketed by love.

There is a song I will post when I have access to the internet again that I just found. It breaks me, open, and I love it. There is one line, “Follow your dreams, in through every out door, it seems that’s what we’re here for.” I am going to carry this very closely, in a safe warm place, into this coming year. And as I do this year, wake up, make plans, recount dreams and watch life happen I will keep you posted, like I do.

I am quite grateful for this space, this little blog. And I am grateful for everyone of you who stops by and takes the time to share in my life and my stories and random rants. The release it brings, the connections I’ve made, the friendships I’ve found are more than I could have ever thought to hope for. You all have a place in the creases of my smile. Thank you.

Happy New Year’s Eve to all of you, happy Friday-eve, and of course, happy Cherday everyone!

May 2010 be the most fabulous year so far!

jesse james